I tried really hard to put the gnawing out of my head. It
just kept coming back. In my own ear, myself said to me, “Is it really how I
feel? Do I want to feel this way? Is it passive aggressive?” The cliché is one
that most everyone expects to be true, whether or not we are personally
involved. The problem with this cliché if you are a Christian is that it
perpetuates conditional love and acceptance.
I spent time a bit ago perusing a site that shares
unconditional Christian love with the LGBTQ community, go me. I’m Christian. I believe
in equal love. God’s kind. Go me. Then, it happened. I received a text message
from someone whom I have not spoken with for quite some time, and with very
good reason. Really? Yes. This person has caused great harm to my family,
literally. I extended an olive branch only to be met with bitterness and smite.
That’s when the thought hit me, “Fine, you’ll get yours. What comes around goes
around.” Bam! My conscience kicked in. You see, several years ago when my LGBTQ
child came out my family was not embraced by our faith community. The opposite
in fact. That is what has led me to become a voice for youth and families who
adhere to the Christian faith and who embrace LGBTQ people. Christianity, my
kind, the unconditional kind, is pooled with the other kind, the hate mongering
kind (all due to fear of the unknown actually).
What comes around goes
around, true. It’s really a law of our universe. My mom said it like this, “garbage
in, garbage out”. Same principal I suppose. So, what of this person with whom I
was texting, only to be hit with smite….again. What would be the Christian thing to do? I know, I know
there are a host of shoulda-coulda-woulda’s…
but really? No harm, no foul I thought at first. But there is harm, and it is
foul. To myself. Why you ask? Because even thinking
‘you’ll get yours’ is not the unconditional love Christians receive from
their Christ. So, to think it, believe it, wish it upon, hope for it, or leave
it to the universe to deliver is not what we [Christians] receive. Now, I haven’t
made a move in that direction. No. But
I haven’t made one away from it either. And, isn’t that the whole point of this
Christian walk? To move away from that which is conditional toward that which
is not?
I’ve been schooled, by myself. Again, it seems. Damn. I just
wanna let it be. Sometimes, I just wanna let people sit in their own mess. ……………But,
the “God’s-child” in me keeps me
asking, where would I be if Christ gave
up on me? Left me sitting in my own
mess? As I send up a little prayer to the Old Guy and work through
forgiveness for being a brat, I realize that’s what ‘walking the talk’ is all
about. It’s about realizing our own character defects and taking ownership of
them. Painful as it can be, and it is, imagine the difference you could make in
your own life [and your lineage]. Then, with any luck (if you believe in luck)
what comes around will hopefully go around.
