What Comes Around Goes Around

I tried really hard to put the gnawing out of my head. It just kept coming back. In my own ear, myself said to me, “Is it really how I feel? Do I want to feel this way? Is it passive aggressive?” The cliché is one that most everyone expects to be true, whether or not we are personally involved. The problem with this cliché if you are a Christian is that it perpetuates conditional love and acceptance.

I spent time a bit ago perusing a site that shares unconditional Christian love with the LGBTQ community, go me. I’m Christian. I believe in equal love. God’s kind. Go me. Then, it happened. I received a text message from someone whom I have not spoken with for quite some time, and with very good reason. Really? Yes. This person has caused great harm to my family, literally. I extended an olive branch only to be met with bitterness and smite. That’s when the thought hit me, “Fine, you’ll get yours. What comes around goes around.” Bam! My conscience kicked in. You see, several years ago when my LGBTQ child came out my family was not embraced by our faith community. The opposite in fact. That is what has led me to become a voice for youth and families who adhere to the Christian faith and who embrace LGBTQ people. Christianity, my kind, the unconditional kind, is pooled with the other kind, the hate mongering kind (all due to fear of the unknown actually).

What comes around goes around, true. It’s really a law of our universe. My mom said it like this, “garbage in, garbage out”. Same principal I suppose. So, what of this person with whom I was texting, only to be hit with smite….again. What would be the Christian thing to do? I know, I know there are a host of shoulda-coulda-woulda’s… but really? No harm, no foul I thought at first. But there is harm, and it is foul. To myself. Why you ask? Because even thinking ‘you’ll get yours’ is not the unconditional love Christians receive from their Christ. So, to think it, believe it, wish it upon, hope for it, or leave it to the universe to deliver is not what we [Christians] receive. Now, I haven’t made a move in that direction. No. But I haven’t made one away from it either. And, isn’t that the whole point of this Christian walk? To move away from that which is conditional toward that which is not?

I’ve been schooled, by myself. Again, it seems. Damn. I just wanna let it be. Sometimes, I just wanna let people sit in their own mess. ……………But, the “God’s-child” in me keeps me asking, where would I be if Christ gave up on me? Left me sitting in my own mess? As I send up a little prayer to the Old Guy and work through forgiveness for being a brat, I realize that’s what ‘walking the talk’ is all about. It’s about realizing our own character defects and taking ownership of them. Painful as it can be, and it is, imagine the difference you could make in your own life [and your lineage]. Then, with any luck (if you believe in luck) what comes around will hopefully go around.

Nature, Nurture and Nomenclature

A funny name for a blog. We all know what nature and nurture are, but what about nomenclature. It's a cool word really, or maybe it just sounds cool. Nomenclature is defined as "a system or set of terms or symbols especially in a particular science, discipline, or art". In this blog I will use nomenclature in exchange of cliché. Not only because it rhymes, but because a cliché is a set of sayings derived from past generations and communities (aka a discipline of sorts). On to the more entertaining and educational stuff.

It's no secret that I am in a biracial relationship with an extraordinarily funny, energetic and delightful black man. I love him to pieces, and he me. Good thing. Keep reading. I've also learned that much stress and uncomfortableness in a relationship can be pacified or put to rest through the gentle use of comedy. Better watch out though, it has its faults [as the slippery slope can lead to sarcasm, which is not so funny]. For the benefit of all my white friends, I'll take one on the chin for you today:

As is our custom sometimes, we make lunch the night before. Last night I put together two very delicious looking salads (complete with dressing on the side) and stuck them in the fridge. This morning, as we were getting ready for work, I went downstairs to retrieve our coffee from our friend and butler, Mr. Coffee. I took the salads from the fridge and set them on the counter. Because I am ever so concerned about my love eating a good healthy meal, I set him out a banana as well. No drink. Did I mention no drink? I brought our coffee back upstairs as we both began our separate time of getting ready for the day. When it was time for him to go, he blessed me with my customary kiss and hug, and a few kind words to see me off. Down the stairs and into the kitchen he went. As he picked up his lunch and strolled toward the door, he said in jest, "What, no drink? What kind of hotel service is this anyway?" From the second floor I chuckled, while bopping over the banister, "You'd gripe if I hung you with a brand new rope!" (Ok, white people, pay attention). He laughed and then ever so gently told me this is not a phrase a person in a relationship with a black man should make. In my mind, it was comic relief. Thankfully he knows my heart. In his usual passionate but humble way, he reminded me of the history of Blacks and hangings. He gave me some very good food for thought. So, I began thinking. This has happened a few times over the past few years and I'm thankful he has a way of gently telling me that my thoughts and words come from a place in history that was not kind to Black folk. Like the origin of the word picnic, but that's a blog for another day.

Clichés are cute little sayings that are rooted in generations of conversations passed down through our family and culture's lineage. Generally, they mean no harm, have almost always stood the test of time, and oftentimes are funny. When I think about this particular cliché, it seems harmless to say. As I thought about what my honey told me concerning Black History and hangings, in that light, it's not so funny. That got me thinking about my upbringing, both nature and nurture. I grew up in white suburbia. Sure, I had friend groups of different racial backgrounds, but I never thought of myself as privileged in any way. To that end, I never thought of being hung in the town square either. Thinking about it though brings a new sensitivity and awareness to my mind. It causes me to pause and ponder. If you're white, have you ever stopped to consider yourself privileged? Just for being white? I know I haven't, I've been white my entire life and haven't really thought about being any different. I don't see myself as privileged, but perhaps I am. I also don't see myself as racially charged. But, perhaps I'm racially passive aggressive without my knowing it.

I can't be held accountable for what I don't know, none of us can. Being genuinely ignorant is neither a sin nor a crime. But should I, as a willfully growing and developing human being, be held accountable for what I do know? Because now, I do know that this cute little funny cliché is only funny when said to a white person. (And now, for me, it's not funny). I was challenged to ask myself if I've ever heard any other ethnic group use that joke (cliché). No. I haven't. I've never thought about that before. What's the message I'm aiming to share today? Well, it's simple, it's never to late to learn what life is about. Dig deeper into your own mind and heart. Dig deeper into your family traditions and explore why we do and say and believe the things we do. Not that any of them are wrong, but perhaps they are. With my new sense of awareness, I'll make a decided attempt to remove this cliché from my vocabulary and share this new awareness with my children.

That seems like a proactive way to change myself and my community. And thank you honey, for your gentle approach. We both grew today, you in your giving [of information] and me in my receiving [of information]. Now, I pass it on to you, my readers. Challenge yourself to make advancements in yourself, your family and your community. The only way to grow through it is to go through it. Safe travels.

Only In the Here and Now

As I rounded the bend and glanced out my rearview mirror, I saw the most amazing and beautiful sight. The sun was coming up just over the horizon. The red glare was so bright it caused me to think it was a red traffic light. Once my mind caught up with itself and I realized it was the sun coming up from behind me, I quickly grabbed my phone’s camera to capture this moment in time. When I raised my camera up to catch the view, only a bright white light shone back at me. Lowering the camera, I checked the rearview mirror again. Yes, the red globe still hung over the morning sky, yet only white light could be captured on camera.

I thought to myself, “Ok God, I get it. It’s only for here and now”. That got me thinking about what I recall my mom saying for years, “It doesn’t come to stay, it comes to pass.” My next thought was, thank goodness. You see, at the moment I saw the sun blazing in the mirror, I was thinking about my life and the challenges I am currently facing. At times there seems to be no end in sight. The sun reminded me, these challenges, the ones I am presently working through, they are only for the here and now. As I learn to navigate the choices before me and make healthy decisions, I will pass through these challenges and onto the next. Not all challenges are difficult. Some have wonderful, motivational outcomes.

I spent several decades of my life raising children. I used to believe I’d always have them in my daily life. This has proven to be a young mother’s perspective. Adult life, mine and theirs, has shown itself to be a different reality. As I look back on what are now my personal golden years, I recall with gratefulness and joy that my kids were only young once, I raised them in the here and now.  I am looking down the path of the second half of my life now, and I am learning how to be an independent person, separate from a mother or a spouse. I have new challenges to face, new decisions to make. This time, this here and now, is filled with sun drops of red and gold, just as my earlier years.

God was, is, and will forever be, so says He. But, interestingly enough, He is still very much only in the here and now. Take peace for instance, the peace that I experience from a relationship with him can only be felt in the here and now. The grace that I receive for the times I make choices that grieve him, and me, is available to me in that moment. Not before, only in that moment’s here and now. The friendships that I enjoy with others, although some longstanding, are enjoyed in the here and now. And the deep intimacy I experience with my mate is only experienced in the here and now as well.

I’ve come to realize this morning, in the picturesque beauty of the red rising sun, some of God’s best gifts are only available in the here and now. Present beauty, present struggle, present challenge, present grace and peace, present intimacy. The present, my here and now, that’s my gift.

Beauty In the Little Things

Today was a wonderful morning. Without trying, I happened to notice many little things. Perhaps the challenge for us is in recognizing that we notice them.

As I left my house on the way to work, I noticed a nip in the air, so I put my windows down a bit. Not too much so as to mess up my hair, but just enough that I caught the breeze through all four windows. I enjoyed the ride so much that I didn’t even turn on the radio. Traffic outside my subdivision was a bit backed up so I flipped it on to check the commute report, but had just missed it. So I turned it back off. It’s 7 am in September and 71°.  As I neared the turn street to get to my office, I was stopped at the red light to wait on the green arrow. As most of us do, I looked around at the other travelers who were waiting with me. I noticed the woman to my right who was checking her phone and out of the corner of my eye I saw some movement in her back seat. Upon a closer look I realized there was a toddler in her car seat beebopping about and wiggling around. Our eyes met and she smiled at me behind her binky. As soon as I smiled back she put her little hand up in the air and waved at me. With pleasant surprise, I waved back. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a toddler in my home now that my kids are grown. I forgot how innocent and adventurous they can be. She waved and smiled, I waved and smiled back. We went back and forth about five times before the light turned green. I left that stop light beaming with happiness and I immediately thought, “How wonderful it is to notice the little things”.

Shoes make the outfit they say in the fashion industry. Shoes are little.  Children are the future they say in the world. Children are little. The conjunction “and” is a little world but is so inclusive that it has the capacity to bring together people, nations and universes.  But, that’s getting a bit big for this blog. I just wanted to challenge you to look around when you drive home today.  Look at little things and ponder about what they are connected to. What big things can come from the little things in our life?

Another thought…without the little things there would probably be no big things. I believe hope and happiness are found in the little things. Here’s to you little girl in the backseat, thank you for waving at me today. Thank you for your little smile that made such a big impact on my day.

INDEPENDENCE DAY

Happy Independence Day! What am I free from? How am I independent? As an American I am free to pursue life - the way I choose to, liberty from any and all things I consider  my oppressor, and I am free to pursue that which makes me happy. Happiness is a subjective term, since we know not what lies behind "the skin" of a (wo)man, happiness is what meets me THERE.

I am free to pursue life and living. There is a difference you know. I am alive, because I am breathing. But am I living? That is, living the life I desire to be? For today, I'm happy to be independent and interdependent. But not dependent or codependent. I'm happy to be God's woman. My life "has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue". I am not the girl I once was. My thoughts have developed past the rigid lines they once followed. I have become wise in ways I was unaware of. The interesting thing is, my values have not changed. I still love my God, and I love my family. There is a new addition to my family in recent times - Me. I have learned how to love myself. I have come to realize, acknowledge, trust in the truth, and believe that I am relevant, purposeful, interesting, and valuable. Not only to myself, but to others. But, mostly to myself - and my God.

I am free to pursue my liberty. I am a liberated child of God. I have opportunities that have been set aside for me. Just for me. I am free to pursue them - or not, even. No longer do I have a crown of thorns on my head, allowed to be there - mashed into my skull forcing me to remain in pain and bondage to that which holds me captive, whether thought, feeling, perception or reality. I am a liberated (wo)man. A liberated human being. No longer captive, but now captivated by my hopes and dreams, choices and decisions, future opportunities and present pallet of colors, sounds and smells of life all around me.

Note to self: May I act in courage to actively pursue them from time to time :-)

As a unique and precious creation, I am free to pursue what makes me happy. Even deeper, I am free to define what h-a-p-p-i-n-e-s-s means for me. I am free to define my own "scale of well being" with my own gauges, ticks and pendulum. My gratitude of this awareness and opportunity keeps me grounded and connected to what I value. It causes me to create boundaries of safety and respect - first to myself and second to my neighbor, whomever that may be.

Writing brings me happiness, I am free to pursue writing.
Ask yourself, "What makes me happy?" Now, go pursue it!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY TO YOU MY FRIEND!

Ehh. Fear I guess.

So, I'm trying new things. Blogging is my latest venture. I've been a writer for quite a number of years. So, why have I not ventured into the cyber world? Ehhh. Fear I guess.  I launched a book campaign to publish a remarkable story that teaches humanity about itself. Unconditional love, it reads, no matter how you look at it, that's what life is about. How well do we love each other here on earth? What will become of this life we live, if at the end of our days, we are asked about it? In thinking on that, why is it that some people I love easily and others I don't? Ehhh. Fear I guess. I recently met up with a young person whom I have known all her life. We've been out of touch for many years. I just happened to be at the right place and the right time.....alas, there she was. We had a nice little visit. Short, but nice. She said she was glad to catch up and that it had bee a rough couple of years for her. I concurred, it's been a rough couple of years. Why have we had a rough couple of years? Why did we not move away from what was causing us grief sooner? Ehhh. Fear I guess.

Fear. A remarkable thing really. It is a power like none other. Fear is a catalyst in who we are, where we are, when we are and why we are. So, if it is so powerful, why do we not harness the power more confidently? Ehhh. Fear I guess. Fear of what? Failure? Success? Exposure? Truth? Boy, we humans are interesting creatures. Let's talk a minute about the things we can achieve by harnessing our fear, owning our fear, becoming aware of our fear. To begin, we need to work in reverse, first becoming aware of our fear. To do this, spend time in your present. Look, listen, smell, touch. Where you are now, this very moment. Become aware. Selah. Next, own your fear. Take it into you as a tangible object. Drink and eat as if it is nourishment to your body. Because owning your fear is, in fact, nourishment to you soul. For when we own our fear we learn to control our thought patterns around it. We can change our thinking based upon our awareness. Human sensibility  causes us to act based upon what we know. When we know better, we do better. It's natural. When you are aware of your fear, and take responsibility to own it, you are empowered to harness the energy it creates. Now that, that is where the true testament comes. Creativity is born of harnessed energy. Creation is born of creativity. Therefore, energy harnessed out of awareness and ownership of one's fear, will birth creation of new habits. New habits form a new beginning. A new beginning paves the road of a new life.

Now I am not only an Author, I am a Blogger. Fear harnessed and owned. A new beginning. How did I become a blogger? Ehhh. Fear I guess.