Line Leader

So you want to follow me? Do you know where I’m going? Maybe I want to follow you. Where are you going? Either way, get ready for an adventure.

Being a Line Leader is a huge responsibility. In preschool a line leader is somewhat of a celebrity, at least for a day. But what about those of us who have advanced well beyond the years of preschool. Perhaps we are parents, or maybe we are in management at our jobs. Or, maybe a pastor in a faith community. Every day we go through our day we are a Line Leader in some capacity, if only at the traffic light. To be a good line leader, you’ll need three things: 1) A destination, 2) A map of the journey there, 3) All of the necessary equipment for the trip.

Let’s break it down. First a destination. As a line leader, everyone is expected to follow me, that is, behind me. Now, if no one inquires where we are going I could easily have a group of very misled people. Also, as a line leader I have control and opportunity over my fold. From their perspective, they offer me trust [that I’m going to lead them to a good place] and encouragement in the event that I get weary on our way. Some Line Leaders may enjoy the silent sheep, how very dangerous for that sheep. How easily you will be mistreated and misled ….. As a good Line Leader I will have at least two others to probe me with questions and hold me accountable for my choices. Lest in my poor leading I negatively infect rather than positively effect. If you are in line, who are you in line behind? Where are you being led to? Do you know? Do you care? You have responsibility to know. And to care. Ahead of time. If not, then you forfeit the right to cry about your destination when you arrive. Get to know your Line Leader.

Second, as an effective Line Leader, I’ll take the responsibility to map our journey ahead of time. Preschoolers know three things for sure. They know how to get to the bathroom, the snack table and the playground. There is a specific direction required to arrive at each destination. So many public figures are Line Leaders and they have not taken the time to map the journey. Or, maybe they have mapped it right straight back to their bank account. But, what about the account of people’s lives? Far more volatile than one’s bank account. As a Line Leader I must, and I repeat must, realize that mapping the journey is a critical step toward ensuring my safety and the safety of my fold (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). Hence, my need for those two others who ask questions and hold me accountable. Being a Line Leader is no easy task. There is a human element. What happens when I make a bad move? Well, Moses had a bunch of ticked off people. Out in the hot desert, hungry and whining. Thank goodness for Aaron, or he’d ‘ave sunk. How many public ministers I can think of today whose ministries have gotten dangerously big. So big, that when they stumble they take thousands of people down with them. As followers of the Line Leader people, WE have a responsibility to know where we’re headed and the basic plan of how we’re gonna get there! (Otherwise, remember, we lose our crying rights when we all fall down).

Finally, as a Line Leader I am tasked with the responsibility of packing for the trip. Some preschool leaders get to carry a flag, to signify their leadership. As an adult Line Leader, my flag is my dignity and integrity. And let me tell you, they will shine like a beacon as long as I’m on top. When I fall watch out! Not only will the light go out, but I will withdraw so you can’t see me (a human defense mechanism). As a follower, think about that. When my Line-Leader-light goes out, how will you see where you’re going? You see, as a Line Leader, I’ve only been given the role for a short period of time (relatively speaking). The reality is I’m human just as the rest of my group. I make mistakes, sometimes horrendous mistakes. If I don’t have the necessary equipment, which is my plan, my integrity, my moral compass, and my ethics in my satchel, then shame on  you [followers] for getting in line behind me. (And by the way, you can’t buy ethics, no matter how many conferences or classes your pay for; either you have them or you don’t. A conference will just you up on Best Practices).

People, seriously, think about it. We all fall short. We all stumble. We all fall.

In life we are only Line Leader for a day, and some may never get the opportunity, because of social caste. Those of us in front have a huge responsibility to be kind, equitable, responsible and accountable. We have a responsibility to make a well thought out plan ahead of the journey. If there are changes along the way, fine, reassess, but always with the group in mind. The very day we begin to lie, cheat and scheme is the first day of the end of our leadership. If you are in line, great, we need supporters. Don’t follow blindly. Ask questions, hold your leader accountable. Stand up and be counted. If you choose not to, and it is your choice – no one can choose for you -  you will forfeit your right to cry if you end up where you don’t want to be. Then, your journey back may be much longer than you planned.

Choose to be your own Line Leader. Just know people are watching and waiting. And we are all human.

 

What Do You See

What Do You See?

What do you see when you look at me? Do you see the scar between my eyes or my curly brown hair? Do you wonder what I would look like with blue eyes, or do you notice my eyes are green and be satisfied with what you see? I wonder sometimes if people see the pain that I carry around. What color is my pain? Do you think you know? My pain is black, most of the time. Today my pain is red, however. It is red because my heart is broken and I’m lonely. I was hungry until I found a little bit of food in my refrigerator. Can you see that I am satisfied now?  What does that look like anyway?

I wonder what you would think if I told you I am gay, or that I had been emotionally abused in my earlier days. Would you still want to talk to me? Do I look like the kind of person who would allow herself to be abused in any way? Yes? No? What does that look like anyway?

Do you see that I’m struggling to know what to do with my life? Can you see God in me? He’s here. I assure you. But, I’m struggling to reach Him, and I know Him intimately. I wonder if you can see the scars from my past hurts. Hurts that I received from loved ones, well intentioned loved ones. Sure there are scars from those who deliberately used me and caused me pain. But, those don’t hurt as much as the ones that cut like a knife, straight through to the core of my person.

What do you see when you look at me? Do you see that I am educated? What does that look like anyway? Do you see that I want to become your friend? I would actually. I would like to become your friend.  It would take some doing on both our parts, however. We come from very different cultures. People would talk about us, maybe behind our backs. Maybe to our faces. Would you still want to be my friend, if it would cause you some grief? I’m a good friend you know. Well, you don’t know. But you could know. That would take more effort on your part. You would have to look deep inside me. Past my outward appearance, since today I am not looking my best and I’m not in the best mood. Can you see that I have had a hard day? What does that look like anyway?

Can you see that my husband is a different race than I am? Does that show in my wedding ring? Can you see that he loves me beyond words and that he calls me his “Queen”. Do I show that in my actions and attitude? Can you see from looking at me, and at my life, that I have a brain- injured brother? How would that make you feel if I told you outloud after the “retard” comment you made. Can you see my pain? What color is it? Where does it sit on my body? What does that look like anyway?

What do you see when you look at me? Can you see that my father is dying and I am sad because I live far away from him? And my siblings are far away too, and my mother. I live down here all by myself. Can you see that my children are all grown? And I love them. Can you see my grandson in my eyes? The twinkle he brings to my heart. And the sorrow of not seeing my granddaughter in over a year. Can you see my heart for her?

What do you see when you look at me? Do you see that I am angry? Can you see that I am lonely? Can you see that I am struggling to make new friends because all of my old friends have fallen away? What can you see in me? Do you see my joy? My delight? The passion I have for my man and the eternal love I have for my children? What does that look like anyway? What color is it? Does my love for others speak to you? What does it say? Does my curiosity about you show? Can you see that I want to know you deeper? Can you see that I value our relationship? Can you see that I want to know more about you, and to have you know more about me? What does that look like anyway?

What do you see when you look at me?

Raisins and Grapes

I’ve read that you will “know all men by their fruit”. What does this mean? It means what a person’s life amounts to can be summed up in what is the visible outpouring of their actions. Contrary to what a person says, which cannot be seen, what a person does leaves a visible and sometimes tangible mark on the world.

With that in mind, raisin or grapes? Let’s see. Both the same fruit right? Both come from the same vine, yes? Yes. But what’s the difference? Visibly, grapes are much more aesthetically pleasing. They are plump and juicy, and they come in a variety of colors…red, purple, green. Some have seeds and some do not. [We’ll leave the seeds for another blog….] Raisins on the other hand, not so beautiful, shrunken and deformed, lacking any visible signs of life. Raisins taste pretty good though, if you can get past the appearance. They too come in a variety of colors, although they all have the same streak of brown which works to age the fruit and sometimes cause onlookers to scrunch up their face in disgust. Raisins are an acquired taste.

Are you a raisin? What are the things you think about during a day? Are they positive? What type of impact do you think about making on the world around you? What creative ideas do you have to improve your own quality of life and the lives of those in your corner of the world? It’s been said there are “thinkers” and there are “doers”. Which are you? If you are mostly a thinker, don’t fret, thinkers are important. Everything starts with a thought (what a HUGE thought that is!)Are you a doer? If you are a person to get involved in advocacy in any way, shape or form, you are a grape!

Some raisins have a tendency to adversely affect their world. Raisins are people who talk a good talk, but whose actions leave those around them somehow in a lesser state then before. Raisins are those who give false compliments, who make commitments they do not keep, who gossip at the water cooler, who manipulate people for their own gain. In the world of ‘knowing all men by their fruit’, you definitely do not want to be a raisin.

Are you a grape? Why, everyone wants to be a grape(at least in reputation, ouch!) It’s not hard to be a grape. Being a grape is as simple as thinking before you speak, giving honest compliments, practicing the discipline of keeping your hurtful comments to yourself, doing simple favors for strangers (and family!).  Being a grape is walking out the positive thoughts you have in your mind…Putting your hand to your creative ideas that will improve your own quality of life and the lives of those in your corner of the world.

The interesting thing about raisins and grapes is they both grow on the same vine. That said, they both have the potential to be a wonderful compliment to the world. We all share that same potential. Every day we have the opportunity to enrich the lives of those around us. If our ideas wither, if our conversation wilts and decays, if our actions toward one another are manipulative and self-serving, we shrivel up. We dry out and wither like raisins. Then, we will need a very powerful additive to bring us back to form.

Today is an opportunity to look around your life, see the outpouring of the mark you leave on the world. It’s a chance to check your “vine”. Where do you get your information from? Where do you draw your ideas and thoughts from?  Check your vine. Next, check yourself. Your attitude and motivations. Do your own litmus test to see if you are making the mark on your world that you would like to be. How will you be remembered today? If someone else had to write your epitaph, what would it say? Do you agree?

Raisins or grapes. BE the fruit you want to be. Because, man, woman or child, we will know all of you by your fruit.

Boxes

Have you ever taken the time to ponder boxes and what they mean and accomplish? Let’s see, there are big boxes, little boxes, square ones, and rectangle ones. I have even seen tube shaped boxes. What I want to talk to you about today however, is open and closed boxes. Have you ever heard the analogy of people and their boxes? The idea is to compare people, how they live their lives and what motivates them to make the decisions they do, to boxes and how they are aligned in any given situation.

            Think on this: I am in my box (big, little, square, etc.) pondering why my life is so chaotic. I look up and realize the box lid is closed over me. It would seem I am running around inside my box, seeing only what I bring into my own view, I communicate only with myself [and the committee in my head]. I get no outside inspiration or edification from anyone else in my life. The opposite can be true to: I am in my box doing my thing, life is good [in my perception], the lid is open, the sun is shining and I’m plugging along in my life. But, I’m still in my own little world. Me, myself, and I. I can’t see out of the top of the box, so I have no idea of what lies next to me, around me, or far away from me.

            Life can be like that right? Stuck in a proverbial box. So, what if I stood up? What would I see? The first answer is, I don’t know. The second is like it, I won’t know until I stand up and look outside the box. Let’s try for a minute and see what we get. Stand with me, will you? Oh look! There is a homeless man over there holding a sign! Oh, oh! Over there is a family playing in the park! Well, look at that. Right next to me in the very next box, an elderly couple struggling to mow the grass. On my other side I see a child crying because he misses is daddy, while his mom tries her best to keep the household upright.

            Folks, there are people all around us. There is life all around us. Stand up! What’s around you? What’s outside your box? How can it be of help to you? How can you participate in it, and make a positive difference in your corner of the world today?

            Are you suffering? Sad? Stuck in a difficult place in life? Stand up. Open the box lid [now that you’ve seen it is close above you]. Don’t allow the darkness to keep you in a sitting position. Stand up! Open the lid. Let in the light. There are people just like you right outside your box. Life is not that mysterious. We are far more alike that we are different. That I guarantee you!

If you are in a good place in life, celebrate it! Enjoy it now because struggle is right around the corner. Life is not static, we are constantly growing and changing. If you are in a difficult place in life, don’t fret, stand up! Get up on your feet! Embrace the challenge and walk into the fear. The challenge will only last a little while [which is a matter of perception], because the good life is right around the corner. Again,life is not static, we are constantly growing and changing. Remember, you’ve got to Go through it to Grow through it. C’mon now, let’s stand up together.

Almost Let It Slip

December 30, 2014 by Dawn Bennett Leave a comment

December is upon us. The last blog entry of the year almost slipped by me. In the business of the holiday and many birthdays this month, my mind is a wellspring of activity. Nonetheless, I want to take time to talk about a simple word. Time. The word itself is simple, but the concept not necessarily so. Time prevents and permits. Time lengthens and shortens. Time saves. Time heals. Time takes time.
If you’re like me, this has been a year full of ups and downs (although most years are like that by the end). I know of so  many people, young and old, who have had a simply treacherous year. Don’t fret. In just a few short days, Father Time will afford us a new beginning. If you have a few circumstances that you would like to leave in the past, I encourage you to do so. I must say though, time affords us the opportunity to reckon with our past. It is an important step in our human development. And, hard as it is, if we shirk it, our past will live in our present and sabotage our future.
The time it takes to ponder, search, pray, rest, and revive are all necessary. Take time (or make, I should say) to address each of the aforementioned. It will do you good.
Let’s see. Time prevents and time permits. Time sometimes prevents me from being honest with myself. If you ignore your character defects long enough (i.e. let enough time pass),you’ll soon forget about them and begin to think they are not a problem. The problem with that approach is that  time will permit you to live in a fantasy world. And while that may seem just what you need, you’ll wake up….eventually. Then the time you allowed to pass will have likely created another issue to busy your mind and day with.
On the other hand, if given enough time (i.e. let enough time pass), that time could prevent us from causing irreversible harm to a very important relationship. We all need a time-out on occasion. Perhaps, a short few seconds or minutes is all you need to cool off. Be sure and go back to the relationship. There’s growth involved in the ebb and flow of time.
Time lengthens and time shortens. Time sometimes lengthens the period in which we take to be responsible. Alas, it can also shorten it. Time lengthens the vacation and family gatherings. Time also shortens, bringing death and mourning. Still, there’s growth involved in the passing of time. Nothing lasts forever.
Time Saves. When stranded at sea or in the forest, many a sojourner has held on until such a time when help arrived. Likewise, many a Believer has held on with a faith that could “move mountains”, just waiting on God, or a Higher Being to bring relief. Much to our dismay, God is never late. It’s in the waiting (i.e. letting enough time pass) that we grow stronger in our beliefs and convictions.
Time heals. Eventually, whether we like it or not, “it” will end. Life, love, play, work, hurts, joys, festivities, mourning, relationships. When loss comes, we grieve and time allows healing to move in and fill the space. When growth comes, we revel in it and time allows new opportunities to arise for us to put our hand to.
Last, but certainly not least, Time takes time.  There is no rushing time. That is a fallacy. While working or waiting the object of time is to be in the midst of it. Remain in the present. Enjoying our time, purposefully extracting what we can, in terms of life lessons, is the most productive act we can do. As we grow and learn, we spend our time actively growing and actively learning. This seed planting helps to shape our future days. Opening up all sorts of new ways to engage with our time.
Happy New Year! May your time be blessed

What Comes Around Goes Around

I tried really hard to put the gnawing out of my head. It just kept coming back. In my own ear, myself said to me, “Is it really how I feel? Do I want to feel this way? Is it passive aggressive?” The cliché is one that most everyone expects to be true, whether or not we are personally involved. The problem with this cliché if you are a Christian is that it perpetuates conditional love and acceptance.

I spent time a bit ago perusing a site that shares unconditional Christian love with the LGBTQ community, go me. I’m Christian. I believe in equal love. God’s kind. Go me. Then, it happened. I received a text message from someone whom I have not spoken with for quite some time, and with very good reason. Really? Yes. This person has caused great harm to my family, literally. I extended an olive branch only to be met with bitterness and smite. That’s when the thought hit me, “Fine, you’ll get yours. What comes around goes around.” Bam! My conscience kicked in. You see, several years ago when my LGBTQ child came out my family was not embraced by our faith community. The opposite in fact. That is what has led me to become a voice for youth and families who adhere to the Christian faith and who embrace LGBTQ people. Christianity, my kind, the unconditional kind, is pooled with the other kind, the hate mongering kind (all due to fear of the unknown actually).

What comes around goes around, true. It’s really a law of our universe. My mom said it like this, “garbage in, garbage out”. Same principal I suppose. So, what of this person with whom I was texting, only to be hit with smite….again. What would be the Christian thing to do? I know, I know there are a host of shoulda-coulda-woulda’s… but really? No harm, no foul I thought at first. But there is harm, and it is foul. To myself. Why you ask? Because even thinking ‘you’ll get yours’ is not the unconditional love Christians receive from their Christ. So, to think it, believe it, wish it upon, hope for it, or leave it to the universe to deliver is not what we [Christians] receive. Now, I haven’t made a move in that direction. No. But I haven’t made one away from it either. And, isn’t that the whole point of this Christian walk? To move away from that which is conditional toward that which is not?

I’ve been schooled, by myself. Again, it seems. Damn. I just wanna let it be. Sometimes, I just wanna let people sit in their own mess. ……………But, the “God’s-child” in me keeps me asking, where would I be if Christ gave up on me? Left me sitting in my own mess? As I send up a little prayer to the Old Guy and work through forgiveness for being a brat, I realize that’s what ‘walking the talk’ is all about. It’s about realizing our own character defects and taking ownership of them. Painful as it can be, and it is, imagine the difference you could make in your own life [and your lineage]. Then, with any luck (if you believe in luck) what comes around will hopefully go around.

Nature, Nurture and Nomenclature

A funny name for a blog. We all know what nature and nurture are, but what about nomenclature. It's a cool word really, or maybe it just sounds cool. Nomenclature is defined as "a system or set of terms or symbols especially in a particular science, discipline, or art". In this blog I will use nomenclature in exchange of cliché. Not only because it rhymes, but because a cliché is a set of sayings derived from past generations and communities (aka a discipline of sorts). On to the more entertaining and educational stuff.

It's no secret that I am in a biracial relationship with an extraordinarily funny, energetic and delightful black man. I love him to pieces, and he me. Good thing. Keep reading. I've also learned that much stress and uncomfortableness in a relationship can be pacified or put to rest through the gentle use of comedy. Better watch out though, it has its faults [as the slippery slope can lead to sarcasm, which is not so funny]. For the benefit of all my white friends, I'll take one on the chin for you today:

As is our custom sometimes, we make lunch the night before. Last night I put together two very delicious looking salads (complete with dressing on the side) and stuck them in the fridge. This morning, as we were getting ready for work, I went downstairs to retrieve our coffee from our friend and butler, Mr. Coffee. I took the salads from the fridge and set them on the counter. Because I am ever so concerned about my love eating a good healthy meal, I set him out a banana as well. No drink. Did I mention no drink? I brought our coffee back upstairs as we both began our separate time of getting ready for the day. When it was time for him to go, he blessed me with my customary kiss and hug, and a few kind words to see me off. Down the stairs and into the kitchen he went. As he picked up his lunch and strolled toward the door, he said in jest, "What, no drink? What kind of hotel service is this anyway?" From the second floor I chuckled, while bopping over the banister, "You'd gripe if I hung you with a brand new rope!" (Ok, white people, pay attention). He laughed and then ever so gently told me this is not a phrase a person in a relationship with a black man should make. In my mind, it was comic relief. Thankfully he knows my heart. In his usual passionate but humble way, he reminded me of the history of Blacks and hangings. He gave me some very good food for thought. So, I began thinking. This has happened a few times over the past few years and I'm thankful he has a way of gently telling me that my thoughts and words come from a place in history that was not kind to Black folk. Like the origin of the word picnic, but that's a blog for another day.

Clichés are cute little sayings that are rooted in generations of conversations passed down through our family and culture's lineage. Generally, they mean no harm, have almost always stood the test of time, and oftentimes are funny. When I think about this particular cliché, it seems harmless to say. As I thought about what my honey told me concerning Black History and hangings, in that light, it's not so funny. That got me thinking about my upbringing, both nature and nurture. I grew up in white suburbia. Sure, I had friend groups of different racial backgrounds, but I never thought of myself as privileged in any way. To that end, I never thought of being hung in the town square either. Thinking about it though brings a new sensitivity and awareness to my mind. It causes me to pause and ponder. If you're white, have you ever stopped to consider yourself privileged? Just for being white? I know I haven't, I've been white my entire life and haven't really thought about being any different. I don't see myself as privileged, but perhaps I am. I also don't see myself as racially charged. But, perhaps I'm racially passive aggressive without my knowing it.

I can't be held accountable for what I don't know, none of us can. Being genuinely ignorant is neither a sin nor a crime. But should I, as a willfully growing and developing human being, be held accountable for what I do know? Because now, I do know that this cute little funny cliché is only funny when said to a white person. (And now, for me, it's not funny). I was challenged to ask myself if I've ever heard any other ethnic group use that joke (cliché). No. I haven't. I've never thought about that before. What's the message I'm aiming to share today? Well, it's simple, it's never to late to learn what life is about. Dig deeper into your own mind and heart. Dig deeper into your family traditions and explore why we do and say and believe the things we do. Not that any of them are wrong, but perhaps they are. With my new sense of awareness, I'll make a decided attempt to remove this cliché from my vocabulary and share this new awareness with my children.

That seems like a proactive way to change myself and my community. And thank you honey, for your gentle approach. We both grew today, you in your giving [of information] and me in my receiving [of information]. Now, I pass it on to you, my readers. Challenge yourself to make advancements in yourself, your family and your community. The only way to grow through it is to go through it. Safe travels.